Addiction — A Journey Into Hell
Posted by Bob Aronson
If you are suffering from organ failure and you are an addict you can be eligible for an organ transplant but you have to be clean and sober first and most transplant centers require at least six months of sobriety before they will consider you.
Yesterday I posted a blog “My Last Drunk..” about the time 30 years ago I checked myself into treatment for alcoholism. It was not a particularly outrageous story but it was significant to me because it was my very last drunk.
I write a lot about addiction because it is one of the primary killers of human organs and because this group is dedicated to ending the organ shortage I’m hoping that stories about addiction and recovery will help those suffering from the disease find their way into a recovery program. If we can do that the demand for organs will decrease and those who remain on the list will have a better chance of getting a transplant.
I realize that there are many who refuse to believe that addiction is a disease and many who think addicts even if they are in recovery should not be eligible for transplants because of what they did to themselves. And I will be the first to admit that addicts do the damage to themselves but it’s not on purpose, it is not because they choose to destroy their organs, their families and their careers. Who would be crazy enough to do that? The life of an addict is pure hell and readers will just have to believe me when I say, “No one would choose to live like that, no one!”
When you are an addict you are totally out of control and you don’t set out to harm anyone including yourself but the power of the disease is so great it is irresistible. When the demand for your drug of choice invades your body you must respond to it no matter who gets hurt along the way. You will lie, cheat, steal and in some cases even physically harm anyone who gets between you and, in my case, my bottle.
Being an addict also means you spend inordinate amounts of time trying to figure out how to feed your habit. With alcohol money is not as much a problem as with illegal or prescription drugs. Alcohol is easy to get and relatively cheap but you still must plan. In most places you can’t buy a bottle of booze on a Sunday so you have to make sure that you have enough booze on Saturday to take you through Monday. Then in many cases, especially if you have a family you don’t want to know about your addiction, you have to have a place to hide your drug of choice. I had a secret panel in the wall of our finished basement, a cubby hole In the garage, a special place in a sand pit near my home where I could hide and then dig up my bottle, inside an old tire in the garage and the bottom of the waste basket under used paper towels in the men’s room at my place of employment.
If illegal drugs are your problem then money becomes a huge issue and you will either steal it or con your best friends or family out of it by manipulating them in any one of a number of ways. No lie is too outrageous for the addict and in many cases no action is too outrageous. That’s how powerful the addiction is. You will literally sell your soul to get what you need and the worst part of it is that you can’t even really get high anymore, you use to try to feel normal but all you really get is sicker and sicker both mentally and physically until either you are hospitalized, treated or die.
Addiction will overwhelm your sense of ethics, pride, morals, self-worth and will to live. I remember having a conversation with myself once in which I said, “Bob you have to stop drinking, you are killing yourself!” My response without thinking and without pause was, “I don’t care.” That’s the power of the drug.
When I drank I sometimes consumed up to two quarts of vodka a day. I was a big man 6’4” and 250 lbs. I could hold a lot and miraculously I functioned. I got up every day, put on a suit threw a quart of vodka in my oversized briefcase and went to work. I drank my way through four years as a Governor’s press secretary and appeared to many if not most to be sober, I almost never was.
In the four years I anchored Morning Edition on the Minnesota Public Radio Network I rarely drew a sober breath yet I interviewed people, had impeccable timing, read news and performed all the other duties an on-air person can do. Sometimes I struggled mightily to keep from slurring words and to walk straight but I was able to fool most of the people, most of the time.
But it all catches up with you and at some point you find yourself in places and with people you would not normally associate with. It is as though the rest of the world can’t see you. All the while you know it is wrong but you just keep sinking deeper and deeper into the bottomless pit of despair and the more you realize how you have degenerated the more you use your drug of choice to help you forget what you have become.
Addiction is a horrible disease and as I mentioned in yesterday’s blog it cannot be overcome with will power it takes help, a lot of help from a lot of people and then it takes superhuman effort and the help of those same people and even more to stay sober.
One of the toughest parts of recovery is following the Alcoholics Anonymous step that dictates that you make amends to those you have harmed. It means you must apologize and it also means your apology may not be accepted and you have to learn to live with that. It’s part of the soul and conscience cleansing process and it is difficult but necessary.
Recovery from addiction is on-going. You are never recovered because one drink, just one, will send you right back into that deadly spiral into the depths of living hell. As the expression goes, “One drink is too many and a thousand is not enough.”
I’ll close with this. If you are an addict, there is hope and there is help. It isn’t easy and it isn’t quick but it can work and you can live a normal life again but you cannot do it alone. You need help. You can start by calling your local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous or any accredited treatment center. In most cases insurance will cover treatment. If you are uninsured there is still help available through AA and NA. It is only a phone call away. You just have to take it one day at a time, sometimes, it is one moment at a time but it is always moving forward, sober!
f you are an addict, think you might be or know someone who needs help here are some resources.
Bob Aronson of Bob’s Newheart is a 2007 heart transplant recipient, the founder of Facebook’s nearly 2,500 member Organ Transplant Initiative and the author of most of these donation/transplantation blogs.
You may comment in the space provided or email your thoughts to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. And – please spread the word about the immediate need for more organ donors. There is nothing you can do that is of greater importance. If you convince one person to be an organ and tissue donor you may save or positively affect over 60 lives. Some of those lives may be people you know and love.
Please view our video “Thank You From the Bottom of my Donor’s heart” on http://www.organti.org This video was produced to promote organ donation so it is free and no permission is needed for its use.
If you want to spread the word personally about organ donation, we have another PowerPoint slide show for your use free and without permission. Just go to http://www.organti.org and click on “Life Pass It On” on the left side of the screen and then just follow the directions. This is NOT a stand-alone show, it needs a presenter but is professionally produced and factually sound. If you decide to use the show I will send you a free copy of my e-book, “How to Get a Standing “O” that will help you with presentation skills. Just write to email@example.com and usually you will get a copy the same day.
Also…there is more information on this blog site about other donation/transplantation issues. Additionally we would love to have you join our Facebook group, Organ Transplant Initiative The more members we get the greater our clout with decision makers.
About Bob AronsonAbout Bob Aronson On August 21, 2007 I received a new heart at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida. All these years later I am very active, happy and loving life. God bless my donor and his family. His generosity toward a complete stranger will never be forgotten. I am retired and live with my wife Robin and two dogs Reilly the main dog and Ziggy the backup. We are a very happy family. My gratitude to my wonderful caregiver wife, my donor, his family and the Mayo Clinic is beyond my ability to express. Suffice it to say I will do whatever is in my power to promote organ and tissue donation and to help and support everyone affected by the issue. As a result of receiving the “Gift of Life” I have made a major commitment to organ/tissue/blood donation, transplantation and related issues. I am the founder of Facebook's over 4,000 member support group, Organ Transplant Initiative (OTI) and the blog site, “Bob’s Newheart” www.bobsnweheart.wordpress.com. I have authored the great majority of the nearly 250 blogs listed there. The remainder were written by excellent guest bloggers. The posts span a wide variety of topics mostly involving organ/tissue donation/transplantation and related issues, but also covering important current medical news and information. Wordpress data indicate the blogs have readers in 162 countries. Bob's Newheart is quickly becoming the news and information source of choice for those with an interest in organ/tissue donation/transplantation along with current developments in medical news and health care. Born In Chisholm, Minnesota I now reside in Jacksonville, Florida. I have three children and one step son, 8 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren. My three grown children are Roger Aronson a well-known and respected Minneapolis, Minnesota Attorney, Dr. Colleen Hegranes Senior Vice President St. Catherine University in St. Paul, Minnesota and Harryet (Hank) Freeman who is probably the best history teacher in America, at least that's what her students at Woodbury, Minnesota High school tell me. Stepson Tim Grant and wife Jennifer live a couple of blocks from us in Jacksonville. Jen is a talented cook, baker, and mother. Tim is an in-demand electrician in Jacksonville who can really make almost anything work. Stella and Lily Grant are two very bright and talented granddaughters. For 25 plus years I owned the Aronson Communications Group an international consultancy specializing in health care communication. The Mayo Clinic was my first consulting client, a relationship that lasted until my retirement. I also worked with 3M health care, UNOS, LIfeSource, Dartmouth University Medical Center and CH2M HILL, one of the nation's largest environmental engineering firms. Prior to being a consultant I served for four years as the first Anchor for Morning Edition on the Minnesota Public Radio Network; was the Communications director for Minnesota Governor Rudy Perpich and before that held positions as a broadcast journalist at several Midwest facilities. I also served as the Director of broadcast communications at Moorhead State University in Moorhead, Minnesota. While I am retired Robin is not and I assist her efforts as founder and owner of Jingler’s Jewelry. She designs and makes colorful, "Fun" anodized aluminum jewelry and is also an accomplished printmaker. She sells her creations at art shows, festivals and gift shops in states east of the Mississippi but mostly in the south. Her website is www.jinglersjewelry.com. When I have time, my hobbies include reading, music and woodworking. One of my most notable projects was completing a wood scale model of the mom and pop grocery store my parents ran for 50 years in Chisholm, Minnesota. The model now resides in Chisholm in my sister's home. Our parents were wonderful people who instilled in us a very strong work ethic and a sense of fairness and equality. I also built a dollhouse for granddaughter Lily Grant and just completed designing and building a CD box that looks like an accordion. A friend commissioned me to make it in memory of his father who was an accomplished accordion musician. I have a brother and sister of whom I am very proud . They are twins. Terry is a Minnesota District Court Judge and Mary a retired but still the best 3rd grade teacher in America. I am proud of them for what they have done but more importantly for who they are. My wife Robin is a caregiver, musician, artist, entrepreneur and the best friend I have. While we do a lot of things together we especially like making music. Often in the evening you can hear the strains of folk, Blue Grass, country and other music coming from our family room. Robin plays several instruments including string bass, accordion, guitar, ukulele, mandolin and...well the list goes on. I play harmonica and have one in almost every key. She's really good...I'm not. Quantity does not ensure quality. One more thing. I am also a recovering Alcoholic and a former smoker. I emerged from a 28 day in-patient alcoholism treatment program in August of 1982 and have managed to stay sober with the help of a lot of people both in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous. I quit smoking in January of 1991 after a 37 year habit of up to four packs of cigarettes a day. It wasn’t easy but I’m living proof that it can be done. I am available to anyone suffering from or affected by any addiction at any time through my email address firstname.lastname@example.org or via phone 904-434-6512.
Posted on July 18, 2012, in alcohol and drugs and tagged AA, addiction, Alcohol, amends, cheating, con, control, dishonesty, drugs, ethics, family, friends, help, hiding places, illegal drugs, lying, mentally, morals, NA, planning, prescription drugs, recovery, sick, stealing, treatment. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.